When I was in high school, my dad reenlisted in the Navy and we moved to New York where he was stationed while his ship was in dry-dock. For a country boy from West Tennessee, New York City was a culture shock. I remember being so afraid to speak because I didn’t want others making […]
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Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
Venting Doesn’t Extinguish Anger, It Feeds It
It was a blast to join Jon Harper recently as a guest on his terrific podcast, My Bad. Of course, the show is all about owning a mistake you've made as an educator and reflecting on what you learned from it. It's a great concept because many of us working in schools think we need to be perfect. That's never going to happen. We just need to be authentic and striving to get better.
I shared about how I used to get so frustrated by students, parents, other teachers, administrators, etc. You name it. I got frustrated and let it be known. I didn't share my blaming and complaining far and wide, but with a small group of people it was common for me to just vent. And I thought that was perfectly healthy. It actually felt good. I looked forward to letting out all that frustration.
But I've learned that venting actually isn't helpful. In fact, it can cause more angry, aggressive behaviors. In his outstanding book, Originals, Adam Grant shares a behavioral study designed by psychologist Brad Bushman. It demonstrates how venting impacts our psyche.
Participants were asked to write an essay about whether they were against abortion or pro-choice. They then received some harsh written feedback from a peer with the opposite view, who rated their essays as disorganized, unoriginal, poorly written, unclear, unpersuasive, and low in quality, adding, "This is one of the worst essays I have read!"
The angry recipients were then randomly assigned to one of three responses, venting, distraction, or control. The members of the venting group were allowed to hit a punching bag as hard as they wanted for as long as they liked, while thinking about the jerk who criticized their essays and looking at his picture. The distraction group hit the punching bag but was instructed to think about becoming physically fit, and was shown a photo of someone exercising. In the control group, there was no punching bag; participants sat quietly for two minutes while the computer was being fixed. Which group would become most aggressive toward the peer who insulted them?
To find out, Bushman gave each of the groups the chance to blast their essay's critic with noise, letting them determine the volume and duration of the sonic blasts.
The venting group was the most aggressive. They slammed the critic with more intense noise, and held the button down longer, than the distraction and control groups. One participant got so angry after thinking about the insulting feedback that hitting the punching bad wasn't enough: he punched a hole in the wall of the lab.
Venting doesn't extinguish the flame of anger; it feeds it. When we vent our anger, we put the lead foot on the gas pedal of the go system, attacking the target who enraged us.Working as an educator is a stressful job. There are many, many things we can choose to be frustrated about in a typical day. As a result, it is very tempting to vent to our friends, our colleagues, our spouse, or some other listening ear. But it's not a healthy response. It's better to do nothing than to vent.
But anger doesn't have to be harmful. Emotions are not good or bad inherently. They are only good or bad depending how we act on them. Anger can actually be a source of energy for taking positive action, solving problems, and making something better. Anger can motivate us to do something to improve a situation.
Blaming and complaining are completely ineffective. They just compound frustration and only have negative consequences, for us and others. Venting is blowing off steam without doing anything to correct the root problem.
Instead of venting, do something to create change.
But what about those situations you can't do anything about? There are some things that frustrate us that are completely out of our hands. We have no opportunity for influence. Now I would caution that these instances are rarer than most people perceive. We sometimes like to pass the buck and tell ourselves there is nothing we can do. Usually, there is some possible way to help or try to make something better. We just have to stop avoiding the things that frustrate us and step forward with solutions.
But if the situation is beyond us, it is still better to do nothing than to vent.
Consider these questions when you are frustrated. What's bothering you? What would you like to do about it? What would be a helpful response? What's your next step? How can you be part of the solution?
I want to challenge all educators to stop venting and start doing. Be problem solvers. I'm trying to give up my venting ways. Complaining doesn't help me or anyone else in the long run. Let's all make it a point to give up on venting.
If you want to here my entire conversation with Jon, I've shared it with you below.
Question: How do you handle your frustrations? Are you ready to go beyond venting and help make the world a better place? Respond below or on Twitter or Facebook. I'd love to hear from you.
Related Stories
from Connected Principals http://ift.tt/2rOlcuI
The Worst Approach to Teaching Students About Social Media
Years ago, I had a real turning point in my thinking regarding social media use with students while listening to a group of students share some stories with me.
One boy from the group, who was probably about thirteen years old at the time, was sharing a story about posting a selfie of himself online. As soon as he posted it, a few of his friends started making fun of him. Not in a “bullying” way, but joking around as friends often do. He was talking back and forth with them and they were having some good laughs. Eventually, his mom commented on the picture and said something to the effect of, “My boy is so handsome!”
He immediately pulled the picture down.
When he explained why, he said, “I would rather be teased by my friends than complimented by my mom online.”
As soon as he said that, I thought about one time when I was a kid and my mom said in front of a group of my friends about how handsome I looked. Immediately after she left, they started saying, “Hey George! Your mom thinks you’re hot!” This joke only lasted about six months.
“Hey George…I know things didn’t work out in that relationship but at least your mom thinks you are hot.”
I understood this boy 100%.
It was an eye-opening conversation, which also reminded me about the importance of having conversations with students regarding social media, not simply telling them what they can and can’t do.
I told this story the other day to a group of educators, and it reminded me of this picture.
I’ve blogged about this picture before, not only because of the image but because of the top comment:
Good work Dad, support without interference.
This is what is so hard about social media in education. If you are too intrusive, kids will block you out (could be literally or figuratively), or they will move somewhere else. Any social media that is the “new thing” isn’t something that we need to somehow work into our classroom. We often take away the appeal of social media by just making it about what the adults want, not what the kids want to use.
Yet, we do need to understand it. We need to understand that what students do on social media today can impact them in either a positive or negative way later on in life. I encourage parents to always sign up their own children to get onto social media younger so you can guide them. Would you rather your child make a mistake online at 8 years old or 15?
AJ Juliani wrote this great post, “Why We Let Our Six Year-Old Use Snapchat“, and talked about how “teachable moments” are crucial with social media:
Snapchat is also a great app for teachable moments with your kids. A few months back, our daughter had the iPad and was snapping some video of her brother acting goofy. It was harmless until she made a comment that was making fun of him and put him down. When we got the Snap on our phones it was the right time to sit down and talk about how she was treating her brother and what that would feel like if she was the one who was being made fun of in a video.
We often talk about “empathy” as teachers and parents. This situation was a quick reminder that we can build empathy through social interactions online and in person. We talked about the ramifications of this type of online action where it there could be way more than just her family who could potentially see the video. It could have been the moment we got rid of Snapchat, but it turned into a great lesson for all of us—parents included—to go through together.
…If we don’t allow our kids to use apps and platforms in a safe setting, make time for teachable moments, and support their learning and growth as online citizens, then it’s going to be tough to have these conversations as they get older. We are hoping that the chats we have now with our daughter will help later on when something new has come along and we don’t have as much oversight as we do now.
Adults need to get in so they can be a part of the conversation, without necessarily taking it over. As a parent and educator, we will sometimes overstep and sometimes we will miss an opportunity to support. That is why both roles are so complex.
With social media, there are lots of complexities and each child is unique and will need different supports, but I know that the worst approach to teaching children about proper social media use is ignoring it completely.
Source: George Couros
from Connected Principals http://ift.tt/2tLsVuT
The Worst Approach to Teaching Students About Social Media
Years ago, I had a real turning point in my thinking regarding social media use with students while listening to a group of students share some stories with me.
One boy from the group, who was probably about thirteen years old at the time, was sharing a story about posting a selfie of himself online. As soon as he posted it, a few of his friends started making fun of him. Not in a “bullying” way, but joking around as friends often do. He was talking back and forth with them and they were having some good laughs. Eventually, his mom commented on the picture and said something to the effect of, “My boy is so handsome!”
He immediately pulled the picture down.
When he explained why, he said, “I would rather be teased by my friends than complimented by my mom online.”
As soon as he said that, I thought about one time when I was a kid and my mom said in front of a group of my friends about how handsome I looked. Immediately after she left, they started saying, “Hey George! Your mom thinks you’re hot!” This joke only lasted about six months.
“Hey George…I know things didn’t work out in that relationship but at least your mom thinks you are hot.”
I understood this boy 100%.
It was an eye-opening conversation, which also reminded me about the importance of having conversations with students regarding social media, not simply telling them what they can and can’t do.
I told this story the other day to a group of educators, and it reminded me of this picture.
I’ve blogged about this picture before, not only because of the image but because of the top comment:
Good work Dad, support without interference.
This is what is so hard about social media in education. If you are too intrusive, kids will block you out (could be literally or figuratively), or they will move somewhere else. Any social media that is the “new thing” isn’t something that we need to somehow work into our classroom. We often take away the appeal of social media by just making it about what the adults want, not what the kids want to use.
Yet, we do need to understand it. We need to understand that what students do on social media today can impact them in either a positive or negative way later on in life. I encourage parents to always sign up their own children to get onto social media younger so you can guide them. Would you rather your child make a mistake online at 8 years old or 15?
AJ Juliani wrote this great post, “Why We Let Our Six Year-Old Use Snapchat“, and talked about how “teachable moments” are crucial with social media:
Snapchat is also a great app for teachable moments with your kids. A few months back, our daughter had the iPad and was snapping some video of her brother acting goofy. It was harmless until she made a comment that was making fun of him and put him down. When we got the Snap on our phones it was the right time to sit down and talk about how she was treating her brother and what that would feel like if she was the one who was being made fun of in a video.
We often talk about “empathy” as teachers and parents. This situation was a quick reminder that we can build empathy through social interactions online and in person. We talked about the ramifications of this type of online action where it there could be way more than just her family who could potentially see the video. It could have been the moment we got rid of Snapchat, but it turned into a great lesson for all of us—parents included—to go through together.
…If we don’t allow our kids to use apps and platforms in a safe setting, make time for teachable moments, and support their learning and growth as online citizens, then it’s going to be tough to have these conversations as they get older. We are hoping that the chats we have now with our daughter will help later on when something new has come along and we don’t have as much oversight as we do now.
Adults need to get in so they can be a part of the conversation, without necessarily taking it over. As a parent and educator, we will sometimes overstep and sometimes we will miss an opportunity to support. That is why both roles are so complex.
With social media, there are lots of complexities and each child is unique and will need different supports, but I know that the worst approach to teaching children about proper social media use is ignoring it completely.
from Connected Principals http://ift.tt/2ryN7Q3
Monday, June 19, 2017
The Cafe by the Sea by Jenny Colgan
Colgan's latest revolves around Flora MacKenzie, a young woman working as a paralegal in London, hopelessly crushing on her boss Joel. Flora's definitely a small cog in a big law firm, and Joel certainly doesn't notice her. Most people don't notice Flora, or if they do, wonder why she's so darn pale. Tall, with milky white skin, blonde hair so blonde it looks white, and eyes that change from blue to green, to gray, Flora fades into the hustle and bustle of London. She's from the island of Mure, way up north, off the coast of Scotland. Rumor has it her mother, dead from cancer, was a Selkie, and Flora herself is one, too. Flora fled to London with the encouragement of her mother, who married young and spent her life raising Flora and her three older brothers and working as a farm wife with no chance to spread her wings. Now with her mother gone, and unable to process her grief, Flora hasn't returned to Mure since her mother's funeral.
Colton, an American billionaire, has come to the law firm with a case that takes place on Mure: someone wants to put wind turbines directly in the view of Colton's new place on Mure called the Rock. Hoping to create a beautiful resort, he's poured a lot of money in to the place, and this could ruin it. Mure is known for bird watching, whale watching, and hiking. A paradise where the sun never sets in the summertime, and the winter nights are endless. It's a peaceful, beautiful, and sometimes desolate island.
Flora is quickly dispatched back to Mure, as part of the legal team that will use her connections to the folks in Mure to help win the case for Colton. Reluctantly, she heads back to Mure, sure it will be a short visit. Her father and brothers run the family farm, and have not taken care of themselves since their mother died. Flora's not sure of her welcome, but quickly gets back into the swing of her rambunctious family, finding her mother's recipes and creating tasty meals for everyone.
Colton turns out to be a pretty nice billionaire, who truly loves Mure. But Colton is unaware that he hasn't made any fans of the island folk because he doesn't support the community by hiring local workers and eating the bounty of the island. With Flora's help, can he turn it around?
There's more, of course, to this tale. Flora's unresolved grief over the death of her mother, her distance from her family, and her resolve to return to London as quickly as possible. There's Joel, who is a whole story himself! Will he ever notice Flora? Is her crush just a silly crush, or something real? Flora doesn't realize it, but the island is where she is most at home, and the happiest. Can Colton's ideas for the island convince her to stay?
This is probably one of my favorite Colgan novels. Not only did I love the setting--so very different from the usual London setting, but I loved the complexity of Flora and Joel, both together and separately. Flora's brothers were colorful characters, as well as the islanders and Colton, too. I hope there are more novels set on Mure, because I'd love to visit the island again.
Rating: 4/6 for a perfect summer read set on a unique island, with a generous mix of unrequited love, local mythology, and a island and a family on the cusp of change.
Available in paperback, audio, and ebook.
from Bookalicious Babe Book Reviews http://ift.tt/2rPbOqL
Venting Doesn’t Extinguish Anger, It Feeds It
It was a blast to join Jon Harper recently as a guest on his terrific podcast, My Bad. Of course, the show is all about owning a mistake you've made as an educator and reflecting on what you learned from it. It's a great concept because many of us working in schools think we need to be perfect. That's never going to happen. We just need to be authentic and striving to get better.
I shared about how I used to get so frustrated by students, parents, other teachers, administrators, etc. You name it. I got frustrated and let it be known. I didn't share my blaming and complaining far and wide, but with a small group of people it was common for me to just vent. And I thought that was perfectly healthy. It actually felt good. I looked forward to letting out all that frustration.
But I've learned that venting actually isn't helpful. In fact, it can cause more angry, aggressive behaviors. In his outstanding book, Originals, Adam Grant shares a behavioral study designed by psychologist Brad Bushman. It demonstrates how venting impacts our psyche.
Participants were asked to write an essay about whether they were against abortion or pro-choice. They then received some harsh written feedback from a peer with the opposite view, who rated their essays as disorganized, unoriginal, poorly written, unclear, unpersuasive, and low in quality, adding, "This is one of the worst essays I have read!"
The angry recipients were then randomly assigned to one of three responses, venting, distraction, or control. The members of the venting group were allowed to hit a punching bag as hard as they wanted for as long as they liked, while thinking about the jerk who criticized their essays and looking at his picture. The distraction group hit the punching bag but was instructed to think about becoming physically fit, and was shown a photo of someone exercising. In the control group, there was no punching bag; participants sat quietly for two minutes while the computer was being fixed. Which group would become most aggressive toward the peer who insulted them?
To find out, Bushman gave each of the groups the chance to blast their essay's critic with noise, letting them determine the volume and duration of the sonic blasts.
The venting group was the most aggressive. They slammed the critic with more intense noise, and held the button down longer, than the distraction and control groups. One participant got so angry after thinking about the insulting feedback that hitting the punching bad wasn't enough: he punched a hole in the wall of the lab.
Venting doesn't extinguish the flame of anger; it feeds it. When we vent our anger, we put the lead foot on the gas pedal of the go system, attacking the target who enraged us.Working as an educator is a stressful job. There are many, many things we can choose to be frustrated about in a typical day. As a result, it is very tempting to vent to our friends, our colleagues, our spouse, or some other listening ear. But it's not a healthy response. It's better to do nothing than to vent.
But anger doesn't have to be harmful. Emotions are not good or bad inherently. They are only good or bad depending how we act on them. Anger can actually be a source of energy for taking positive action, solving problems, and making something better. Anger can motivate us to do something to improve a situation.
Blaming and complaining are completely ineffective. They just compound frustration and only have negative consequences, for us and others. Venting is blowing off steam without doing anything to correct the root problem.
Instead of venting, do something to create change.
But what about those situations you can't do anything about? There are some things that frustrate us that are completely out of our hands. We have no opportunity for influence. Now I would caution that these instances are rarer than most people perceive. We sometimes like to pass the buck and tell ourselves there is nothing we can do. Usually, there is some possible way to help or try to make something better. We just have to stop avoiding the things that frustrate us and step forward with solutions.
But if the situation is beyond us, it is still better to do nothing than to vent.
Consider these questions when you are frustrated. What's bothering you? What would you like to do about it? What would be a helpful response? What's your next step? How can you be part of the solution?
I want to challenge all educators to stop venting and start doing. Be problem solvers. I'm trying to give up my venting ways. Complaining doesn't help me or anyone else in the long run. Let's all make it a point to give up on venting.
If you want to here my entire conversation with Jon, I've shared it with you below.
Question: How do you handle your frustrations? Are you ready to go beyond venting and help make the world a better place? Respond below or on Twitter or Facebook. I'd love to hear from you.
Related Stories
from Connected Principals http://ift.tt/2rOlcuI
Sunday, June 18, 2017
What is the future you would like to create?
Picture this…
I have been appointed the new principal of your school. As my first form of business, I think that the library should go. Although they are full of information, there are much better ways to use that space and money that is allocated to that room.
How long do you think I would last?
Yet, as bothersome as this scenario would be to some (including myself), many have no issues with taking away devices from students in classrooms that not only have access to all of the information in the world but access to one another.
Yesterday, I noticed this article being shared; “Hays school district orders 800 padlocks for students“. I am glad that they are providing iPads to their students so it is not that they are not ignoring opportunities for both creation and consumption, but I am firm believer that the best device for any learner is often the one they own already. I am never one to make sweeping generalizations over what any school or district does to serve their students as I do not totally understand their context, but I always think it is okay to ask questions.
For one, is there not anything else they could do with the money they just spent on padlocks?
How do we teach responsible use of your own device if you do not have access to your own device?
Will teachers lock up their own personal devices during the day as well? Is this just a student thing?
This was an interesting comment in the article:
“One student’s phone was found, they lost it and had put it in the office, and it had buzzed, he said it buzzed in one hour, forty times with SnapChat messages,” said Thissen.
Soooooo…if the student had lost it and they didn’t turn off the ringer, would they have not known those messages were being received? If a Snapchat notification is never heard, doesn’t that mean it doesn’t exist?
My belief is that dealing with technology and social media is not something we can simply use “hope for the best” as a strategy.
Dan Haesler wrote a great post on the notion that it would be crazy to teach driving the way we teach social media in many schools. Here were some of his thoughts:
We can do better.
Recently, I saw this powerful video from 2011, and it reminded me of how much we take for granted. Please take two minutes to watch it.
I do not know if the situation in that area is the same in 2017 as it is today, but I know in some parts of the world, they would be grateful to have access to some of the same technology that we literally ban from our classrooms. Perspective is everything.
The quote below was amazingly powerful.
“Information is powerful, but it is how we use it that will define us.”
I am in no way advocating that students should bring their own devices so that they can just keep up their social lives. What I am hoping for is that we help our students think about the power that they have in their hands, and how they can use it in meaningful ways.
I always say to students, you have the world at your fingertips, what are you going to do with it? Let’s not take for granted the opportunities we have as schools right now to change the narrative and direction of education in an amazingly positive way, so that we can just always hold on to “what was”.
Seth Godin, said it best;
Transformational leaders don’t start by denying the world around them. Instead, they describe a future they would like to create instead.
What is the future you would like to create?
Source: George Couros
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